Monday, September 3, 2007

They don't call it labor 'cause it's easy.....

From time to time, I see those juicy little news bits that tell us how much moms (and dads!) would make in income if they were paid for all that they do. These figures come from totaling up the estimated salaries of chefs, chauffeurs, housekeepers, personal assistants, etc.

Personally, I think these lists only cover the tip of the parental iceberg. We switch gears 100 times a day, performing countless tasks that require a wide range of skills. Here, in no particular order, are just a few of the overlooked jobs I think should be calculated into the total sum:

Manicurist/Pedicurist – 35,000/yr
Come on, now…how many toenails have you cut in your house that aren’t yours? I think extra “tip money” should be counted in for anyone who cuts:
Baby nails
Squirming toddler nails
35 year-old husband nails (This is not the case in our house, but I’ve heard stories…oh yes, I’ve heard stories.)

Exterminator – 55,000/yr
Over the years, we’ve removed from our house: ants, flies, spiders, baby snakes, bats, crickets, squirrels and a beagle (he ran into the wrong house – add “dog whisperer” to our list).

Plumber – 90,000/yr
Not only are we continually fishing things out of the drain, but we’re always showing crack bending down and picking up after our kids.

Anesthesiologist - 350,000/yr
This scenario involves a hyperactive toddler and a bottle of Benadryl. For legal reasons, I won’t go into details. (Okay, I’m kidding, but we’ve all thought it.)

Prostitute – Salary commensurate with experience.
Who hasn’t taken one for the team when they’re not in the mood?
(Dads, while I’m trying to be gender-equal I’m not sure this applies to you…you kinda HAVE to be in the mood…right?…if you know what I mean? Otherwise how could you….you know? Never mind -this whole thing is making me very uncomfortable….I’m moving on.)

Magician – 10/yr – 20,000,000/yr
Watch boys and girls as I make an entire four-course meal appear out of thin air, while magically balancing this budget! Oooohhhhhh….Aaaaahhhhhhhh

Mafioso – I’m not really sure how to figure out salary for this one, but it must be pretty good to afford all of those suits.
The buck stops here. We lay down the law in our house – nothing gets past us. We wheel and deal, we negotiate and bargain, we bribe and extort, and if a particular toy is making us crazy, we can arrange an “unfortunate accident”.

And more….so much more. So here's to all of us and our many jobs we do - have a great Labor Day!


Smiling Mom said...

Yup, did that one... manicurist.. to a 30 year old man, yup... prostitute...yup... magician on a budget...yup. exterminator, law maker, yup, yup... feeling under appreciated at times (like today) yup...

Boy do I relate to this post today!

Anna said...

I had no idea how much I was worth!

And saw your post on Hallie' thinking of joining us in the Wordpress world? Come on, you know you want to...:)

mike said...

Wait a minute? Prostitutes fake it?

jeff mac, said...

Of course men can do it when we're not in the mood! You know that saying, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"? Well, that can swing the other way as well.

And a better definition of a "win-win situation" you will never find.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

So funny, and so sadly true! We Moms work for peanuts.

my minivan is faster than yours said...

Anna from Hank and Wille told me to come and find you. So glad I did.

Off to read your archives :)

Mike said...

we miss you, beta mom!

Anna said...

Yes, come back soon! Bus, schmizy!

Anna said...

uh, that would be BUSY, schmizy!