Let me be clear...

In the interest of good Blog customer service, I think it's important to be clear about our expectations. That way we avoid disappointment which will lead to dissatisfaction which will lead a messy break-up during which you will sneak into my house to steal back all of your Journey tapes. (Sorry, it's been a while since I've actually dated.) So, onto our expectations:

1. Please do not have any expectations.

2. I may not write every day; I may not write every week. In fact, I may completely forget all about this blog, and in a couple of months come across it, only to be delighted that someone out there so totally understands me.

3. I can't spellq.

4. There will be times when I will forget entire words in a sentence. There's a tiny Alpha editor who lives in my brain who wants me to copy my work into a word document, proof it three times and show it to someone else for proofing. Fortunately in those moments my inner Beta hits the Alpha editor over the head with a bottle of tequila and I just don't stress about it.

5. I cannot promise to refreshingly original. Now, I think it's important to emphasize that this is not for a lack of trying. It's because these are all hard truths shared by millions of moms - I'm bound at some point to echo a sentiment that's already been expressed.

6. Posts will rarely be longer than 3 paragraphs. That's about how long I have before something breaks, someone shrieks, or I just see something shiny and lose focus.

7. If I end a post with wwwwwdwwdwdwwwdwdwwddwwwwwdw it means that my fingers have gotten stuck in a pile of Fluff on the computer - please send help. (As a side note, may I respectfully add that if you do not know what Fluff is, this is definitely not the blog for you.)


Well I think that's all for now - #1 really covers anything that might fall into the grey areas. Thanks so much to the amazing
Beta moms who commented yesterday. As soon as I figure our to respond to individual comments, I'll post a reply.

But, please, don't expect too much.

The Beginning....

I think Julie Andrews was right when she sang "Let's start at the very beginning". I understand the irony, of course, of referencing Julie Andrews, as her most famous roles were not mothers, but young nannies without a single stretch mark who swept in to rescue hapless parents from a well of parenting despair. With a song. Anywho....

I'm thinking of this as a venue to explore the boundaries of what's "good enough" when it comes to parenting, or, as it has come to be know, being a "Beta Mom". At the end of the day, how do we gauge our worth? Sure, we're shooting for happy, well-adjusted children, but there are days when I'll settle for children who haven't committed a felony. Do I struggle with insecurity when I see a super-fit Alpha mom, striding through the grocery story with her perfectly groomed children, carefully selecting her week's worth of soy-based, gluten-free, organic, farm-raised groceries for the week? You betcha. But you know what I think? I think we all have some Beta Mom at heart. Heck, for all I know, that Alpha could be gazing wistfully back at me - with my juice-stained shirt, hair in disarray, eating oreos from a package I have yet to pay for - and thinking, "She makes it look so easy - I wish I could be more like her." Maybe not.

While this fantasy may not be a reality, you have to admit that some of the standards of parenting, dare I say LAWS of parenting, were thought up by a Beta Mom. The five-second rule - clearly a Beta Mom invention. In fact, this exchange, found transcribed on the wall of a cave in an undisclosed location, is proof of early cave-dwelling Beta Moms.

"urgh" (Mother, I seemed to have dropped my mammoth mcnugget on the cave floor.)
"urgh" (Pick it up and and blow on it, it's fine)
"urgh" (But Mother, the floor is made of dirt)
"urgh" (Not now, it's time for my soap - Tramps of the Tar pit)

Okay, I made that up. I understand that an Alpha mom would have done actual historical research to back up her argument, but you'll have to go to Alpha Mom's blog for that kind of accuracy.

So, I think you get what we're shooting for here - gotta go now, it's time for Tramps of the Tar pit.

Setting up my blog

Well, I've set out to create a satirical look at the life of a "good enough" mom. Unfortunately, the blog set-up process has left me quite confused, tired, and possibly sold to into white slavery. So, the hilarious debut will just have to wait until after my nap and a cookie.