Hey there -
I'm starting over at Wordpress, so if you'd like to catch up, (or relieve the glory years...or days....well, it was really more like a couple of hours...)
come visit me HERE!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Thith ith a thtory that'll till ya!
As you may have grasped from my last post, I have gladly said goodbye to the clumsy confines of infancy and welcome with open arms the delightful "middle age" of our children. Just young enough not to have attitude, old enough to hold up their end of a fantastic conversation. Young enough to still bend to our will, old enough to use the bathroom on their own. Young enough to still sneak in a good snuggle, old enough to see movies we actually like.
However, I have found myself, as of late, feeling some sadness and nostalgia as the last bits of their early childhood slip away. There are things I am truly sorry to see go. Rocking my kids to sleep. Splashing at bath time. Sippy cups and little Ziploc bags of cheerios.
One of the favorite things I will miss is the simple idiosyncrasy of our children's speech. Our son has outgrown his sweet lisp, which shined magnificently as he rocked out to his favorite song, "Hey now, you're a rock thtar” by that band, Thmathmouth.
In the case of our daughter, all of her "K" sounds would come out as the letter "t". "Goin' to the park to fly a tite" "Gonna have some birthday take" etc. etc.
What would bring us and anyone within earshot to tears is when she would get on a rant about her absolute favorite subject.
Kitties.
"We have two titties in our house."
"Do you have any titties?
"My mommy had an orange titty, but it died."
"My titties names are Ella and Dizzy."
"Ooh, I like your titties."
"Can I pet your titty?"
Quite frankly, I'm not that comfortable typing any more examples, but let me tell you there's no better way to get to know a stranger than to have your youngster engage them in a conversation about the friendliness of their titties.
And I will miss it.
However, I have found myself, as of late, feeling some sadness and nostalgia as the last bits of their early childhood slip away. There are things I am truly sorry to see go. Rocking my kids to sleep. Splashing at bath time. Sippy cups and little Ziploc bags of cheerios.
One of the favorite things I will miss is the simple idiosyncrasy of our children's speech. Our son has outgrown his sweet lisp, which shined magnificently as he rocked out to his favorite song, "Hey now, you're a rock thtar” by that band, Thmathmouth.
In the case of our daughter, all of her "K" sounds would come out as the letter "t". "Goin' to the park to fly a tite" "Gonna have some birthday take" etc. etc.
What would bring us and anyone within earshot to tears is when she would get on a rant about her absolute favorite subject.
Kitties.
"We have two titties in our house."
"Do you have any titties?
"My mommy had an orange titty, but it died."
"My titties names are Ella and Dizzy."
"Ooh, I like your titties."
"Can I pet your titty?"
Quite frankly, I'm not that comfortable typing any more examples, but let me tell you there's no better way to get to know a stranger than to have your youngster engage them in a conversation about the friendliness of their titties.
And I will miss it.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Beta From The Beginning
We celebrated Beta Boy's tenth birthday this past week. He spent the day reflecting on his "first decade" and contemplating life in the "double digits". (He then went down to the club to play bridge with Marty and Sol; they hit the early bird and called it a day.)
I've been looking back and thinking about how daunting his first few months were. I had no idea at the time how common my fears and insecurities were. I was not a graceful new mom. I wore motherhood like a wool sweater that had gone through the dryer. It didn't fit right, it was itchy and uncomfortable, and I felt as though I was always struggling with it.
The worst for me were the grocery store visits.
Grocery store visits with my newborn had to be timed with the precision and skill of a military manuever, as he was nursing every hour and a half or so. And if the bar wasn’t open when he was thirsty, well he was going to raise holy hell, and I would have to suffer the angry glares of other shoppers, who clearly had NEVER HAD CHILDREN. Oh no, that would not do.
So I would feed him.
One hour, thirty minutes to go.
Then change him.
Then get him in the forty-seven layers he had to wear because it was winter.
One hour, fifteen minutes.
Then he’d poop.
Undo layers, change diaper, redo layers.
One hour, five minutes.
Run to bathroom and pee (knowing that this might be my only chance for the remainder of the day). No poop for mommy. No time. Make a mental note - remember to poop when baby’s older.
One hour to go.
Untangle straps on baby carrier. Strap baby in.
Baby poops.
Take precious minute weighing the pros and cons of letting him stay in his poop.
Conscience wins, take baby out, undo layers, change diaper, redo layers, strap baby in.
Fifty minutes to go.
Grab diaper bag, make sure it has the following contents:
Diapers (the need for which I think we’ve already demonstrated)
Wipes (good god, are there ever enough?)
Binky – take extra five minutes looking for a binky. We DO NOT leave the house without a binky.
“What to Expect The First Year”– should my baby come down with cradle cap, whooping cough or thrush during our shopping expedition.
A change of clothes – in case we are invited to dine with the captain at his table and we need something more appropriate for evening. Or if his diaper leaks.
AT LEAST five different developmentally stimulating baby toys.
Forty minutes to go.
Put carrier in car and drive to store. (Let’s not even think about how I look in my Winnie the pooh sweatpants, glasses, sneakers and baseball cap.)
Arrive at store – take carrier and bag out of car, find a cart, spend a good couple of minutes trying to figure out how exactly the carries fits into cart.
Thirty minutes to go.
Try to remember what it was we needed. Wading through sleep deprivation, looking for clarity. I think I started a list. Where was the list? What was on the list? Food. Yes, there was food. What food? What to cook? How to cook? We need meat, yes meat. Look, there’s some pepperoni - that’s meat! More protein. A dairy product. Look how pretty the Wispride Cheese Spread is, all orange and yellow and pink. Perfect. Oh, how proud Beta Dad will be that I am shopping. I am AWESOME. What else? Vegetables – we need vegetables.
Baby gets restless – my heart starts to race – must go faster. Twenty minutes to go.
Where was I? Vegetables. Oh, look, there’s a whole end cap with canned olives. Olives – plants – vegetables, right. Good. What else?
And so forth and so on. Baby fusses. Lactation begins. Time runs out.
I race my cart full of pepperoni, cheese spread, canned olives, not to mention cool aid, taco seasoning, macadamia nuts, and applesauce through the check-out and race home.
Un-strap screaming baby. Leave groceries in car. Feed screaming baby. Change diaper. Remember that there were groceries in the car. Get groceries. Wonder what to make out of pepperoni, taco seasoning, olives, Wispride and apple sauce.
Order take-out.
I've been looking back and thinking about how daunting his first few months were. I had no idea at the time how common my fears and insecurities were. I was not a graceful new mom. I wore motherhood like a wool sweater that had gone through the dryer. It didn't fit right, it was itchy and uncomfortable, and I felt as though I was always struggling with it.
The worst for me were the grocery store visits.
Grocery store visits with my newborn had to be timed with the precision and skill of a military manuever, as he was nursing every hour and a half or so. And if the bar wasn’t open when he was thirsty, well he was going to raise holy hell, and I would have to suffer the angry glares of other shoppers, who clearly had NEVER HAD CHILDREN. Oh no, that would not do.
So I would feed him.
One hour, thirty minutes to go.
Then change him.
Then get him in the forty-seven layers he had to wear because it was winter.
One hour, fifteen minutes.
Then he’d poop.
Undo layers, change diaper, redo layers.
One hour, five minutes.
Run to bathroom and pee (knowing that this might be my only chance for the remainder of the day). No poop for mommy. No time. Make a mental note - remember to poop when baby’s older.
One hour to go.
Untangle straps on baby carrier. Strap baby in.
Baby poops.
Take precious minute weighing the pros and cons of letting him stay in his poop.
Conscience wins, take baby out, undo layers, change diaper, redo layers, strap baby in.
Fifty minutes to go.
Grab diaper bag, make sure it has the following contents:
Diapers (the need for which I think we’ve already demonstrated)
Wipes (good god, are there ever enough?)
Binky – take extra five minutes looking for a binky. We DO NOT leave the house without a binky.
“What to Expect The First Year”– should my baby come down with cradle cap, whooping cough or thrush during our shopping expedition.
A change of clothes – in case we are invited to dine with the captain at his table and we need something more appropriate for evening. Or if his diaper leaks.
AT LEAST five different developmentally stimulating baby toys.
Forty minutes to go.
Put carrier in car and drive to store. (Let’s not even think about how I look in my Winnie the pooh sweatpants, glasses, sneakers and baseball cap.)
Arrive at store – take carrier and bag out of car, find a cart, spend a good couple of minutes trying to figure out how exactly the carries fits into cart.
Thirty minutes to go.
Try to remember what it was we needed. Wading through sleep deprivation, looking for clarity. I think I started a list. Where was the list? What was on the list? Food. Yes, there was food. What food? What to cook? How to cook? We need meat, yes meat. Look, there’s some pepperoni - that’s meat! More protein. A dairy product. Look how pretty the Wispride Cheese Spread is, all orange and yellow and pink. Perfect. Oh, how proud Beta Dad will be that I am shopping. I am AWESOME. What else? Vegetables – we need vegetables.
Baby gets restless – my heart starts to race – must go faster. Twenty minutes to go.
Where was I? Vegetables. Oh, look, there’s a whole end cap with canned olives. Olives – plants – vegetables, right. Good. What else?
And so forth and so on. Baby fusses. Lactation begins. Time runs out.
I race my cart full of pepperoni, cheese spread, canned olives, not to mention cool aid, taco seasoning, macadamia nuts, and applesauce through the check-out and race home.
Un-strap screaming baby. Leave groceries in car. Feed screaming baby. Change diaper. Remember that there were groceries in the car. Get groceries. Wonder what to make out of pepperoni, taco seasoning, olives, Wispride and apple sauce.
Order take-out.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
If I blogged every day...month...I wouldn't be a Beta!
Well, I did it! I wasn't sure I was going to make it, but I am proud to announce I just finished NO-BLO-FO-MO-MO, otherwise known as "No blogging for a month...month". It was grueling, and there were times when I thought I wasn't going to make it. I was sure there was no way I was not going to think of anything to write for an entire month, but I did it.
Now, I know there were doubters out there - un-supporters who checked my blog every day, thinking "There's just no possible way she's going to go another day without posting!". To those of you who didn't believe that I could generate a total lack of creativity, well, I think the words of Gandhi expressed it best when he said, "Be the change you wish to see in your blog".
And to those supporters who ditched my blog never to look back because you believed in my total lack of inspiration, let me just say, "Thank You".
Now that's enough of that.
So, I've gotten a few tags, a little bit of bling and a lot to catch up on. I'm going to start with a softball today, however. It's a little photo montage I like to call "Getting the Christmas Card Shot"
ps - Big bonus reader points to anyone who can tell me how to get the link button back on my blogger text bar - it's dissapeared, and I can't get it back!
Now, I know there were doubters out there - un-supporters who checked my blog every day, thinking "There's just no possible way she's going to go another day without posting!". To those of you who didn't believe that I could generate a total lack of creativity, well, I think the words of Gandhi expressed it best when he said, "Be the change you wish to see in your blog".
And to those supporters who ditched my blog never to look back because you believed in my total lack of inspiration, let me just say, "Thank You".
Now that's enough of that.
So, I've gotten a few tags, a little bit of bling and a lot to catch up on. I'm going to start with a softball today, however. It's a little photo montage I like to call "Getting the Christmas Card Shot"
ps - Big bonus reader points to anyone who can tell me how to get the link button back on my blogger text bar - it's dissapeared, and I can't get it back!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
When Bad Cookies Happen to Good People
Sometimes I forget I'm a Beta mom.
Sometimes I have delusions of grandeur and become totally convinced that I can do everything and be everywhere.
Sometimes I forget to give myself permission to let good enough be good enough.
And there's where things go wrong. Very, very wrong.
Sometimes when I'm working all day and then picking up my kids and grocery shopping and getting a husband and a son ready for an opening night production and making a salad for the kindergarten pot luck that we will all go to before the opening night production and baking a batch of cookies and a batch of lemon squares for a bake sale and trying to shower because I didn't have time that morning...
well, sometimes, when all that is happening, I get confused.
And instead of putting one egg in the cookies and three eggs in the lemon squares like the recipe calls for, I put THREE eggs in the cookies. And I end up with cookie dough that looks like pancake batter.
So rather than admit defeat, I add flour to the cookies to thicken the consistency.
Worried that I've created cake-like cookies with no taste, I throw chocolate chips in the batter.
Worried that my monstrosities won't sell, while all the OTHER moms' perfectly baked cookies will fly off the table, I search for something, anything, to add to their appeal.
In a panic, I grab some Hershey kisses. (I've seen that done, right? People put kisses on cookies, right? People will be dying for these awesome awesome chocolate cookies, right?)
I pull the giant, cake-like, lumpy cookies from the oven, slap on the Hershey kisses and stand back to admire my handiwork.
This is what I ended up with:
Hmmmm.....
Look familiar?
Can't quite place it?
Here, let me help you:
Beta Mom's Fake Dog Doo Cookies - Scoop them up at a Bake Sale near you!
Sometimes I have delusions of grandeur and become totally convinced that I can do everything and be everywhere.
Sometimes I forget to give myself permission to let good enough be good enough.
And there's where things go wrong. Very, very wrong.
Sometimes when I'm working all day and then picking up my kids and grocery shopping and getting a husband and a son ready for an opening night production and making a salad for the kindergarten pot luck that we will all go to before the opening night production and baking a batch of cookies and a batch of lemon squares for a bake sale and trying to shower because I didn't have time that morning...
well, sometimes, when all that is happening, I get confused.
And instead of putting one egg in the cookies and three eggs in the lemon squares like the recipe calls for, I put THREE eggs in the cookies. And I end up with cookie dough that looks like pancake batter.
So rather than admit defeat, I add flour to the cookies to thicken the consistency.
Worried that I've created cake-like cookies with no taste, I throw chocolate chips in the batter.
Worried that my monstrosities won't sell, while all the OTHER moms' perfectly baked cookies will fly off the table, I search for something, anything, to add to their appeal.
In a panic, I grab some Hershey kisses. (I've seen that done, right? People put kisses on cookies, right? People will be dying for these awesome awesome chocolate cookies, right?)
I pull the giant, cake-like, lumpy cookies from the oven, slap on the Hershey kisses and stand back to admire my handiwork.
This is what I ended up with:
Hmmmm.....
Look familiar?
Can't quite place it?
Here, let me help you:
Beta Mom's Fake Dog Doo Cookies - Scoop them up at a Bake Sale near you!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Will Rhyme For Food
Well, there's just going to be no living with me now.
On the heels of my MAJOR newspaper publication (those elementary kids didn't know what hit 'em), I've received word that I'm the winner of Creative-Type Dad's KFC Chicken Checks give-away.
Click on the title above (where, oh where, Blogger have you hidden my tool bar with my link button?) and check out the winning entry, as well as the hilarity that is Creative-Type Dad.
On the heels of my MAJOR newspaper publication (those elementary kids didn't know what hit 'em), I've received word that I'm the winner of Creative-Type Dad's KFC Chicken Checks give-away.
Click on the title above (where, oh where, Blogger have you hidden my tool bar with my link button?) and check out the winning entry, as well as the hilarity that is Creative-Type Dad.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Don't Worry - I Won't Let It Go To My Head
It pleases me to no end to announce that finally after what feels like days of hard work and patience – I am being published in a major newspaper!
It’s true! Today my article “Local Children Head "Into the Woods"” – a scintillating expose detailing the sordid lives of the children of community theater – is being published in…
Are you ready for it?
The Warrior – our elementary school newspaper!
Not only that, but it’s been syndicated.
To the middle school.
Stop cheering…no, really, your applause is too much. Settle down now.
Not to brag, but this achievment is a direct result of the dedication and commitment I show in my role as our theater’s
publicist/refreshment coordinator.
Now, I know that there are many of you out there who are still toiling away, firing off pieces for lesser know names like Parents Magazine and Time and whatnot and are wondering how you might achieve a level of success like mine. All I can tell you is - hold onto your dreams. These major publication companies can be tough to break into. For example, I had to call Isabel, the school secretary, THREE times before I got the go-ahead.
But in the end, it was worth it. There, between “Illness of the Week” and “Ski Club sign-ups” sits my brilliant debut.
I’ll remember you all in my Pulitzer acceptance speech.
It’s true! Today my article “Local Children Head "Into the Woods"” – a scintillating expose detailing the sordid lives of the children of community theater – is being published in…
Are you ready for it?
The Warrior – our elementary school newspaper!
Not only that, but it’s been syndicated.
To the middle school.
Stop cheering…no, really, your applause is too much. Settle down now.
Not to brag, but this achievment is a direct result of the dedication and commitment I show in my role as our theater’s
publicist/refreshment coordinator.
Now, I know that there are many of you out there who are still toiling away, firing off pieces for lesser know names like Parents Magazine and Time and whatnot and are wondering how you might achieve a level of success like mine. All I can tell you is - hold onto your dreams. These major publication companies can be tough to break into. For example, I had to call Isabel, the school secretary, THREE times before I got the go-ahead.
But in the end, it was worth it. There, between “Illness of the Week” and “Ski Club sign-ups” sits my brilliant debut.
I’ll remember you all in my Pulitzer acceptance speech.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Bananas is hot!
So, the witty and beautiful Jenny over at Absolutely Bananas (Click on the title above to pay her a visit!) came up with a great idea. Sort of a virtual ladies room, where we gals can get together and dish about our latest beauty secrets and finds. (No, guys, we really are NOT talking about you in there.) Once a month, we post - Bananas keeps the master list at her place - check it out for other great pointers.
After all, none of us is as smart as all of us. Or none of us is smarter than some of us. Or some is smarter than none.....Anywho - here's my tip.
A while back to make the tedium of drinking the recommended 18 gallons of water a day easier, I began adding lemon juice. Sometimes I squeeze half a lemon into my water in the morning. Sometimes I slice up lots of little pieces and just keep them in my bottle as I refill it. (Sometimes I forget to drink water at all and drink 47 cans of Diet Pepsi instead. sigh)
Anyway, while drinking water always makes me feel better, I noticed that drinking the water with lemon made a marked improvement - to my skin, my hair, my energy level - I just all around felt better. Now, I'm not one for fancy book learnin', but I've done some reading and it seems lemon juice is extremely effective in removing toxins from your system. Can't really get into the where and why - I just know that it adds a certain glow!
So, if life hands you lemons - drink lemon juice. Then you can be pretty like this:
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
An Open Letter to the Retail Industry
Dear Purveyors of Fine Holiday Merchandise,
Now that the holiday season is upon us I’d like to get a head start on my psychological clarity during what can be a very confusing and stressful time. Your assistance would be greatly appreciated.
To begin, what is at stake for my children at Christmastime? If they do not receive exactly the most popular and expensive toys will they simply be ostracized, ridiculed on the playground, or do you think they might meet physical harm? To reinforce this message, do you really think that 10 Christmas commercials per every 5 minutes of television viewing time are enough, or should I paste the 27 flyers we get in the mail every day to their walls? Thanks, by the way, for all of the terrific commercials you now show at the movies. I was worried that we might have some wasted time there, but you had us covered.
Further, what do you think the minimum number of gifts should be for our children to know we truly love them? 25? 50? 100? Is there a love to dollar formula you can refer me to so that I can ensure my children's happiness and be spared any potential embarrassment among the neighbors?
While we are on the subject of family, I have some concerns about my husband. I have yet to receive a gift of substantial 4-5 figure worth. Has he lost interest in me? Do you think that kind of gifts I’ve received over the years – a hand-crafted arbor made from cedar trees he cut himself, an original composition – are indications that his eye may be wandering? If it's true, I realize that the blame may be mine. I have not purchased anything recently from The Victoria’s Secret “Flounce Around the House” line. I will work to remedy the situation immediately while I sit amongst my many catalogs sipping international coffees sweetened with Splenda.
Finally, what do you recommend in terms of transportation as we travel from one perfectly decorated house to another, visiting the hundreds of friends and acquaintances we must have to ensure that we have both social standing and worth? I understand that traveling in a forward facing seat without some kind of a table and entertainment center is no longer acceptable, as my children cannot be expected to entertain themselves in the car as we travel 5 miles down the road. Is there a car that actually flies? If so, please notify me immediately; we would not want to appear behind the times.
Cost is no issue; I've see many advertisements for charitable companies offering generous lines of equity to assist us in paying this very small price for the love and comfort of our family.
Thank you in advance for your attention in these very important matters. I greatly appreciate the energy and fervor you put forth in ensuring a meaningful holiday for my family and me.
Best,
Beta Mom
Now that the holiday season is upon us I’d like to get a head start on my psychological clarity during what can be a very confusing and stressful time. Your assistance would be greatly appreciated.
To begin, what is at stake for my children at Christmastime? If they do not receive exactly the most popular and expensive toys will they simply be ostracized, ridiculed on the playground, or do you think they might meet physical harm? To reinforce this message, do you really think that 10 Christmas commercials per every 5 minutes of television viewing time are enough, or should I paste the 27 flyers we get in the mail every day to their walls? Thanks, by the way, for all of the terrific commercials you now show at the movies. I was worried that we might have some wasted time there, but you had us covered.
Further, what do you think the minimum number of gifts should be for our children to know we truly love them? 25? 50? 100? Is there a love to dollar formula you can refer me to so that I can ensure my children's happiness and be spared any potential embarrassment among the neighbors?
While we are on the subject of family, I have some concerns about my husband. I have yet to receive a gift of substantial 4-5 figure worth. Has he lost interest in me? Do you think that kind of gifts I’ve received over the years – a hand-crafted arbor made from cedar trees he cut himself, an original composition – are indications that his eye may be wandering? If it's true, I realize that the blame may be mine. I have not purchased anything recently from The Victoria’s Secret “Flounce Around the House” line. I will work to remedy the situation immediately while I sit amongst my many catalogs sipping international coffees sweetened with Splenda.
Finally, what do you recommend in terms of transportation as we travel from one perfectly decorated house to another, visiting the hundreds of friends and acquaintances we must have to ensure that we have both social standing and worth? I understand that traveling in a forward facing seat without some kind of a table and entertainment center is no longer acceptable, as my children cannot be expected to entertain themselves in the car as we travel 5 miles down the road. Is there a car that actually flies? If so, please notify me immediately; we would not want to appear behind the times.
Cost is no issue; I've see many advertisements for charitable companies offering generous lines of equity to assist us in paying this very small price for the love and comfort of our family.
Thank you in advance for your attention in these very important matters. I greatly appreciate the energy and fervor you put forth in ensuring a meaningful holiday for my family and me.
Best,
Beta Mom
Sunday, November 4, 2007
It's ilove...
Instead of cleaning all of this laundry:
I'm wasting away the day playing with my new computer.
Did imention that ihave a new imac and ilove it. iwill never be without my imac again. ithink ifound true love.
By far our favorite accessory is the photo booth.
While the laundry strangles the pets and makes long distance phone calls, I've been doing this (hope this works):
me
me as a cartoon
me as a character from the 80's hit video "take on me"
me as an Andy Warhol picture
and me as that kid from Mask
I'm wasting away the day playing with my new computer.
Did imention that ihave a new imac and ilove it. iwill never be without my imac again. ithink ifound true love.
By far our favorite accessory is the photo booth.
While the laundry strangles the pets and makes long distance phone calls, I've been doing this (hope this works):
me
me as a cartoon
me as a character from the 80's hit video "take on me"
me as an Andy Warhol picture
and me as that kid from Mask
Saturday, November 3, 2007
What's that behind your back?
Let's just skip the pretense and cut right to the chase, shall we?
Of all of the candy you steal from your child's pumpkin/basket/bag, which is your favorite?
When sneaking candy past the children, do you -
a) hide it in a pocket?
b) wrap it in a magazine/hide it behind a book?
c) distract the children and then make a dash for it?
What is your favorite re-arranging technique you utilize so the children will not notice their dwindling candy supply?
What's the most outlandish excuse you've come up with when a child discovers an empty candy wrapper in your room?
Of all of the candy you steal from your child's pumpkin/basket/bag, which is your favorite?
When sneaking candy past the children, do you -
a) hide it in a pocket?
b) wrap it in a magazine/hide it behind a book?
c) distract the children and then make a dash for it?
What is your favorite re-arranging technique you utilize so the children will not notice their dwindling candy supply?
What's the most outlandish excuse you've come up with when a child discovers an empty candy wrapper in your room?
Friday, November 2, 2007
She who laughs -
Well, it seems we all (six of us) agree that while Donnie is a little bit rock and roll, Marie's just a little bit creepy. To that end, I thought I'd feature her in the newly revived video clip of the day. (look to the right - see it?!) I found a hilarious bit - only to be amazed that Marie herself is behind it.
Props to her for having a sense of humor!
Check it out!
Props to her for having a sense of humor!
Check it out!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
She was robbed....
Okay - a self-imposed meme. I've become addicted to Dancing with the Stars. It's like watching some splendid sequined train wreck - I just can't turn my head away. (The fact that it's on one of the two channels we get doesn't hurt, either.)
I'm not one to get in an online debate about who should stay, who should go, who has the improved the most, who uses the most double sided tape and who lifted their feet off the floor and on and on, but I liked that little Cheeta girl's pluck and I'm bummed she got voted off over that vapid male soap star.
Plus, to keep it mommy relevant, I'd like to add that Marie Osmond makes me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in a "middle aged women who unbutton their blouse the extra button and make inappropriate jokes with the bag boys at the supermarket about squeezing their melons" kind of way. I also don't like the fact that she's CONSTANTLY mentioning how she's a single mother. (Alright, she may have only mentioned it once, but my righteousness has no time to check the facts.) I know some amazing single moms who work, manage their houses, love their kids and blog. Don't give me this "ooh I fainted and I'm really busy and I couldn't two step because I'm a single mother of eight children".
Plus, she designs collectible dolls, which are just creepy.
Our Halloween was AWESOME - hope yours was too!
I'm not one to get in an online debate about who should stay, who should go, who has the improved the most, who uses the most double sided tape and who lifted their feet off the floor and on and on, but I liked that little Cheeta girl's pluck and I'm bummed she got voted off over that vapid male soap star.
Plus, to keep it mommy relevant, I'd like to add that Marie Osmond makes me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in a "middle aged women who unbutton their blouse the extra button and make inappropriate jokes with the bag boys at the supermarket about squeezing their melons" kind of way. I also don't like the fact that she's CONSTANTLY mentioning how she's a single mother. (Alright, she may have only mentioned it once, but my righteousness has no time to check the facts.) I know some amazing single moms who work, manage their houses, love their kids and blog. Don't give me this "ooh I fainted and I'm really busy and I couldn't two step because I'm a single mother of eight children".
Plus, she designs collectible dolls, which are just creepy.
Our Halloween was AWESOME - hope yours was too!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
From the geezer files....
I'm feeling very nostalgic today -
Remember when it was a HUGE DEAL when the holiday specials were on tv? Schedules were cleared for the likes of the Peanuts Gang, Frosty, Rudolf, Peter Cottontail and more. If you missed it - TOO BAD. That was your only chance and it wouldn't be on for another YEAR!
There was a specific protocol to be followed; rituals that were as important as the show itself. Dinner (maybe even something junky like mac and cheese FROM A BOX!) , bath, pajamas, teeth, hair, drag your pillow and blanket from the BED to the COUCH, turn off all the lights, snuggle in and enjoy.
I miss these moments; with DVDs, TiVo, Cable and a million viewing choices that can be enjoyed again and again and again it just doesn't feel as special.
It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown celebrates it's 40th anniversary tonight on television. So tonight to celebrate this momentous occasion, we're going to make dinner (not mac and cheese from a box; maybe some garlic bread from a bag, though) shower (even in a wave of nostalgia, one has to consider our $400 water bill), get the jammies on, drag the bedding down, turn the lights off and enjoy a moment from the dark ages. (For those of you keeing score, it's on ABC - one of the two channels we get.)
I hope you get a chance to enjoy it too.
Remember when it was a HUGE DEAL when the holiday specials were on tv? Schedules were cleared for the likes of the Peanuts Gang, Frosty, Rudolf, Peter Cottontail and more. If you missed it - TOO BAD. That was your only chance and it wouldn't be on for another YEAR!
There was a specific protocol to be followed; rituals that were as important as the show itself. Dinner (maybe even something junky like mac and cheese FROM A BOX!) , bath, pajamas, teeth, hair, drag your pillow and blanket from the BED to the COUCH, turn off all the lights, snuggle in and enjoy.
I miss these moments; with DVDs, TiVo, Cable and a million viewing choices that can be enjoyed again and again and again it just doesn't feel as special.
It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown celebrates it's 40th anniversary tonight on television. So tonight to celebrate this momentous occasion, we're going to make dinner (not mac and cheese from a box; maybe some garlic bread from a bag, though) shower (even in a wave of nostalgia, one has to consider our $400 water bill), get the jammies on, drag the bedding down, turn the lights off and enjoy a moment from the dark ages. (For those of you keeing score, it's on ABC - one of the two channels we get.)
I hope you get a chance to enjoy it too.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Stay Tuned....
Coming soon -
The all new Beta Mom's Blog!
Well.....
The mostly New Beta Mom's Blog!
Maybe more like...
The I've got some new stuff but it's probably more of the same Beta Mom's Blog!
Actually....
It's mostly the same stuff with some new graphics that I'm learning about on my new computer and as soon as I have time between work and parenting and volunteering I'll figure it out and publish!
Cheers,
Beta Mom
The all new Beta Mom's Blog!
Well.....
The mostly New Beta Mom's Blog!
Maybe more like...
The I've got some new stuff but it's probably more of the same Beta Mom's Blog!
Actually....
It's mostly the same stuff with some new graphics that I'm learning about on my new computer and as soon as I have time between work and parenting and volunteering I'll figure it out and publish!
Cheers,
Beta Mom
Thursday, October 4, 2007
You Might Be a Beta Mom if....
you made up a bunch of fake names for your children's school catalog fundraiser, and then paid for all of the stuff yourself because you actually didn't do a darn thing.
P.S. To my PTO sisters - this is just a hypothetical situation I made up for the amusement of others. I would never, ever do something like that.
Sincerely,
Ethel Mertz.
P.S. To my PTO sisters - this is just a hypothetical situation I made up for the amusement of others. I would never, ever do something like that.
Sincerely,
Ethel Mertz.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The "It" girl....
Apparently I've been tagged by the lovely Anna. Aside from being studied and then released back into my natural habitat, being tagged has given me the opportunity to reflect, share, and most importantly, forced me to finally learn how to post a freakin' link. (I think..if it doesn't work, well, my apologies, but I'm probably not going to fix it.)
Here you go.
Four Jobs I've Had
"Junior Naturalist" at a science center. Once you've scooped Polar Bear poop, life is never the same.
Associate Producer with a video production company. This job led to one of my favorite brushes with fame - shooting a PSA with Fred, the Dunkin Donuts guy ("Time to make the donuts"). This is a very regional reference; my apologies to my friends in the south and west. Just know that a brush with a famed pastry pusher was exhilarating. May Fred rest in peace.
Director of a Victorian holiday-themed progressive play that took place over several acres of a maritime museum. 100 actors, 25 crew members, a dozen scene locations, two wagons, four horses, 180 kerosene lanterns, 10,000 ginger snaps, and 36 tours a night for the month of December. Happy Freakin' Christmas. (This was actually one of my favorite jobs ever!)
Program Developer at a children's museum. For more on all the excitement that can follow, read here.
Four movies I could watch over and over:
Princess Bride
Whale Rider
Any of the Lord of the Rings movies (I'm going to count this as my 3rd, 4th and 5th. Yup, I'm a rule-breaker)
This is a tested theory, as we don't have cable. So we do, in fact, watch these movies over and over again.
Four TV Shows I Like (reality version)
Survivor
Project Runway
Top Chef
My Life on the D List
Four TV Shows I Like (non-reality)
Extras
Arrested Development
Ugly Betty
Grey's Anatomy
Let's also throw Lost in here as my loved, but often neglected older, foster child
Four Places I've Gone on Vacation
Disney World
Disney World
Disney World
Disney World
Four Favorite Foods
Grilled salmon
Almost any pasta dish
Ice cream
Mom's rice pudding
Four Websites I Visit Daily
Craigslist
ProJo
My Blogroll
and.....if you really must know....well....Perez Hilton. There. I've said. Let's move on.
Four Places I Would Rather Be
Sailing on the Mary Day off the coast of Maine
The beach
The movies
Disney World
Four Bloggers I Tag - women who are funny, smart, and cause me to waste entirely too much time in front of the screen -
Nell McCabe
Absolutely Bananas
Alpha Dogma
Canned Laughter
Cheers
Here you go.
Four Jobs I've Had
"Junior Naturalist" at a science center. Once you've scooped Polar Bear poop, life is never the same.
Associate Producer with a video production company. This job led to one of my favorite brushes with fame - shooting a PSA with Fred, the Dunkin Donuts guy ("Time to make the donuts"). This is a very regional reference; my apologies to my friends in the south and west. Just know that a brush with a famed pastry pusher was exhilarating. May Fred rest in peace.
Director of a Victorian holiday-themed progressive play that took place over several acres of a maritime museum. 100 actors, 25 crew members, a dozen scene locations, two wagons, four horses, 180 kerosene lanterns, 10,000 ginger snaps, and 36 tours a night for the month of December. Happy Freakin' Christmas. (This was actually one of my favorite jobs ever!)
Program Developer at a children's museum. For more on all the excitement that can follow, read here.
Four movies I could watch over and over:
Princess Bride
Whale Rider
Any of the Lord of the Rings movies (I'm going to count this as my 3rd, 4th and 5th. Yup, I'm a rule-breaker)
This is a tested theory, as we don't have cable. So we do, in fact, watch these movies over and over again.
Four TV Shows I Like (reality version)
Survivor
Project Runway
Top Chef
My Life on the D List
Four TV Shows I Like (non-reality)
Extras
Arrested Development
Ugly Betty
Grey's Anatomy
Let's also throw Lost in here as my loved, but often neglected older, foster child
Four Places I've Gone on Vacation
Disney World
Disney World
Disney World
Disney World
Four Favorite Foods
Grilled salmon
Almost any pasta dish
Ice cream
Mom's rice pudding
Four Websites I Visit Daily
Craigslist
ProJo
My Blogroll
and.....if you really must know....well....Perez Hilton. There. I've said. Let's move on.
Four Places I Would Rather Be
Sailing on the Mary Day off the coast of Maine
The beach
The movies
Disney World
Four Bloggers I Tag - women who are funny, smart, and cause me to waste entirely too much time in front of the screen -
Nell McCabe
Absolutely Bananas
Alpha Dogma
Canned Laughter
Cheers
Monday, October 1, 2007
A Monday giggle.....
I can't take credit for this one - thanks to my lovely Aunt Liz for sending this little piece of mind candy.
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where
he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I
think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to
the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God,
are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool
table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with
wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's
Math teacher."
I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS...
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where
he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I
think you're the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to
the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God,
are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool
table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with
wet celery???" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's
Math teacher."
Thursday, September 27, 2007
What's in a name?
As new parents, there were few decisions we fretted over more than the naming of our children. We were convinced that our baby's name would determine who he was, how people perceived him - it would dictate his future. A name, essentially, could make or break our child's life. No pressure.
To further complicate matters, both my husband and I were teachers. This meant that based on our experiences we had certain qualities attached to names* that otherwise would have been wonderful.
"How about Hercules?"
"Whiner."
"Hmm....Xena's pretty."
"Too bossy."
"Zeus?"
"Nose-picker."
And so forth and so on. In the end, we chose a Celtic name for our son that was somewhat unusual(it warranted a few raised eyebrows from the more traditional members of the family). We did worry that we'd doomed him to a life of mispronunciations and corrections, but as he grows we couldn't imagine him being anyone else. And, in a way, we were right. While he has the ability to dictate his own future, his name is an integral part of who he's become.
To that point, our amazing nine-year-old boy brought this poem home yesterday. He gave me permission to share it with you.
My name is C------
It flows like silk on the wind.
It's crisp and fresh like watermelon
or an autumn day.
It's red and green
like a bird of paradise.
It's spicy like Hot Tamales
and sweet like Twix.
It looks like an outline
in the fog.
All of these things
fit into this uncommon name
that belongs to me.
My name is C------.
Sigh.
*For the record, we did not actually consider the names Hercules, Xena and Zeus. I chose these extreme examples so as not to offend anyone. My apologies if your child has any one of these names....I'm sure he or she is a lovely child who exhibits none of these traits.
To further complicate matters, both my husband and I were teachers. This meant that based on our experiences we had certain qualities attached to names* that otherwise would have been wonderful.
"How about Hercules?"
"Whiner."
"Hmm....Xena's pretty."
"Too bossy."
"Zeus?"
"Nose-picker."
And so forth and so on. In the end, we chose a Celtic name for our son that was somewhat unusual(it warranted a few raised eyebrows from the more traditional members of the family). We did worry that we'd doomed him to a life of mispronunciations and corrections, but as he grows we couldn't imagine him being anyone else. And, in a way, we were right. While he has the ability to dictate his own future, his name is an integral part of who he's become.
To that point, our amazing nine-year-old boy brought this poem home yesterday. He gave me permission to share it with you.
My name is C------
It flows like silk on the wind.
It's crisp and fresh like watermelon
or an autumn day.
It's red and green
like a bird of paradise.
It's spicy like Hot Tamales
and sweet like Twix.
It looks like an outline
in the fog.
All of these things
fit into this uncommon name
that belongs to me.
My name is C------.
Sigh.
*For the record, we did not actually consider the names Hercules, Xena and Zeus. I chose these extreme examples so as not to offend anyone. My apologies if your child has any one of these names....I'm sure he or she is a lovely child who exhibits none of these traits.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Ahhhh....Sunday
5:30 Awakened by the nine-year-old, who on a weekday moans like a zombie when I DRAG him out of bed at 7:15.
7:30 - 10:00 - Aimlessly surfed the net
10:01 - Refused nine-year-old access to computer, because too much screen time is very, very bad for him.
10:02 - 11:00 - Surfed some more
11:00 - Considered running. Too hot. Ate yummy pastries instead (Thank you, mom). Will run tomorrow. Unless it's too hot again...or something comes up...or if it's a day that ends in "y".
12:00 - Washed dog. Came to a sad realization that dog smelled better than rug.
2:00 - Went to Walmart to purchase rug cleaner and new bike helmet for 5-year-old.
2:15 - Went into shock shopping for bike helmet, which costs as much a trip to the emergency room for head trauma. Weighed options. Decided to go with my legal obligations and purchased said helmet.
2:27 - Left the big blue box forgetting rug cleaner, but spending $60 on stuff I don't need.
3:00 - Purchased first pumpkins of the season. Imagining all the cute things Martha Stewart does with her pumpkins.
3:15 - Piled pumpkins on kitchen counter next to toilet paper and ant traps.
5:30 - Planned exquisite dinner.
5:45 - Threw some Cheez-its in a bowl, popped in a movie and decided to write.
6:40 - Posting.
7:30 - 10:00 - Aimlessly surfed the net
10:01 - Refused nine-year-old access to computer, because too much screen time is very, very bad for him.
10:02 - 11:00 - Surfed some more
11:00 - Considered running. Too hot. Ate yummy pastries instead (Thank you, mom). Will run tomorrow. Unless it's too hot again...or something comes up...or if it's a day that ends in "y".
12:00 - Washed dog. Came to a sad realization that dog smelled better than rug.
2:00 - Went to Walmart to purchase rug cleaner and new bike helmet for 5-year-old.
2:15 - Went into shock shopping for bike helmet, which costs as much a trip to the emergency room for head trauma. Weighed options. Decided to go with my legal obligations and purchased said helmet.
2:27 - Left the big blue box forgetting rug cleaner, but spending $60 on stuff I don't need.
3:00 - Purchased first pumpkins of the season. Imagining all the cute things Martha Stewart does with her pumpkins.
3:15 - Piled pumpkins on kitchen counter next to toilet paper and ant traps.
5:30 - Planned exquisite dinner.
5:45 - Threw some Cheez-its in a bowl, popped in a movie and decided to write.
6:40 - Posting.
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